Friday, October 31, 2008


Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

The road to success is always under construction.

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

You know the speed of light;so what is the speed of dark ?

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself -- like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.
-- Jean Kerr

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
-- Madonna Dangerous Game (1993)

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.
-- Dennis Leary

There are only two kinds of men - the dead and the deadly.
-- Helen Rowland

In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-- Margaret Thatcher

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed."

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman.
-- Kathy Lette

Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

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